Sunday, April 24, 2011

Signs You Might Be a Domling...

Yes, yes, I know it's Kinky Haiku Sunday, but as a special treat, I asked my good friend Strictest if I could post his hilarious and informational piece on the signs of a domling. What's a domling you ask? I'll let him explain it.

I coined the term domling to describe an inexperienced, usually young, and often clueless "dom". Domlings rarely recognize themselves as such, so here are a few signs to help you determine if you are one:

•If you call yourself "Master Sardo Numspa, Dark Lord of the Netherworld" and expect everyone else to call you by that title, you might be a domling.

•If you use capital 'M' each time you write Me or My, you might be a domling.

•If half the toys in your BDSM collection have been used at most once, you might be a domling.

•If your FetLife profile contains the pictures of every reddened ass you ever spanked, you might be a domling.

•If you ever started a sentence with the words, "Well, a real slave should...", you might be a domling.

•If a sub has ever fallen asleep while you switched floggers for the eleventh time during a "gradual warm-up", you might be a domling.

•If submissive women walk behind you only when walking downwind, you might be a domling.

•If you order your sub to butcher the English language by referring to herself in the third person or by using lowercase 'i', you might be a domling.

•If your sub had to untie herself and revive you when you fainted after seeing a few drops of blood during a needle-play session, you might be a domling.

•If, when talking about you, people actually take their hands out of their pockets to indicate the air-quotes around "Master", you might be a domling.

•If before leaving for a fetish party you recite passages from Chronicles of Gor in front of a mirror, you might be a domling.

•If you ever looked for a "kink-friendly" lawyer to review the slave contract you wrote, you might be a domling.

•If after an OTK session your sub has to put your hand in ice until the swelling goes away, you might be a domling.

•If the only time you ever heard your sub scream was when you accidentally whipped her glasses off the nightstand, you might be a domling.

•If, when you talk about your "dungeon", you mean the basement at your parents' place, where you spend your days sleeping and watching porn, you might be a domling.

•If the reason you prefer "older women" is that they can legally buy booze, you might be a domling.

Hahahahahha. I love it. Thank you, Strictest, for this handy guide to recognizing domling-ness. Happy Easter everyone!

4 comments:

  1. Hahahaha! Those are priceless. I think my biggest pet peeve is the second one. Well, and number eight too. *cringe*

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  2. I never understood the need to butcher the English language. Both me and my dom are grammar fetishists so I think we both wince when we see "i" or "He".

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  3. Great list! I think 2 and 8 are my favorites too!

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