The BDSM acronym doesn't have a P for Pain in it, but most people jump straight to the idea of pain when they see the term. Most of the letters reference pain either directly or indirectly though:
- B&D - Discipline gives the idea of punishment, which most people consider should involve pain, though it doesn't have to.
- D/s - An indirect reference -- when the bottom is not a Masochist then any pain the Top chooses to give is generally there to illuminate the power exchange.
- S&M - Sadism and Masochism leave no doubt about there being pain involved.
Those are three types of pain, three different mindsets around pain: the pain of Discipline versus the pain of the Masochist versus pain for the sake of D/s when the bottom may not be a masochist or when the pain given may not be something the masochist enjoys.
There are submissives who are not necessarily masochists who enjoy pain for this reason. Their suffering is proof of their submission, proof that someone else is calling the shots.
And then there are masochists who are in it for the pain. They may or may not be submissive, they just want to feel.
I also know someone who enjoys the anxiety and fear before the pain, and the memory of the scene afterwards, but doesn't especially enjoy the scene while it is happening.
For me, I can appreciate all of the above. There are certain types of pain that I enjoy, that I even crave, at times. And then there are certain types of pain that scare the bejeebers out of me, but I submit to it because it is a personal turn on for my husband, and the idea that it is turning him on is enough. Usually.
This means I can enjoy books that come from the mindset of the masochist who can enjoy the pain as well as the submissive who is terrified of it but who still needs it. It also means I can relish a good punishment scene, because when those are done correctly it is the epitome of showing who is in control and who is not. That doesn't mean I like all BDSM books, it just means I can usually appreciate the diverse types of pain that show up.
Do you think this may be why you enjoy certain scenes that others are negative towards? Could it explain why you are angry about a scene that others think is hot? If those are your reactions then they are honest reactions and there is nothing wrong with them. But sometimes it's good to understand why you react to things a certain way, when others react a different way.
My trigger is trust - I find myself getting angry when a Dom or sub becomes untrustworthy.