Monday, May 30, 2011

Kink Monday: Wax Play

I am not talking about waxing for depilatory reasons here, though I am aware there are couples who get into that. Today I am talking about the dripping or pouring of hot wax onto a willing submissive.

The pain threshold here can go from barely warm and very relaxing all the way to hot-hot-hot-hot-HOT!!!! The Top can control the level of heat by the distance he (or she) holds the melted wax over the bottom's skin.

My most memorable waxing scene was not done by my husband, though he was present when it happened. This was when we were dating, before we were married, and when we often traveled out of town for fun BDSM events. It was done by a very well known person who used a crock pot to melt large quantities of wax, and then used a ladle to pour it on. The levels of pain were brought up in increments, the heat levels varied based on which part of my body the wax was being aimed at, but I was in a full hood, so I often had no clue where the wax was about to land. It was one of the most delicious, sensuous, exquisite experiences I've ever had. (And the full hood was actually a safety thing, I think, since the hood ended up with a few drops of wax on it that splashed up.)

But you don't need to use a half a gallon of wax to have fun with wax play. You can use the wax from a single candle, letting it drip slowly. One drop at a time. Or let it melt and pool a bit and pour out a small stream.

Whether you are blindfolded or not can make it a totally different type of play. When you can see the drip forming, can see it leave the candle, can tense up for the pain... I think your brain releases different chemicals while all of that is happening. But when you don't know when it will land, or where it will land, you experience the pain in a completely different way. Unless you have a whole lot of self control I think it's best if the hands are restrained for wax play, but that's just kind of my own personal preference. I am sometimes made to use self restraint, but it's so much easier when you can relax and not worry about having to control your hands and arms.

Here are a few pieces of advice for wax play:

  • Do not use beeswax. Just don't. It's not safe. It can easily cause the kinds of burns that require a doctor or hospital. You want paraffin, not beeswax.
  • Soft candles in glass jars usually also have mineral oil in their blend and burn cooler. The cheap glass jar candles you buy at the dollar store are my favorite. The next step up is usually pillar candles, with taper candles burning the hottest. All of those can be safe to use as long as they are primarily made of paraffin or soy.
  • The Top should pour or drip a few drops onto his own forearm before play gets started. He (or she) needs to know the burning temperature of this particular candle at six inches and at two feet so he knows how much pain he is handing out. Not all candles have the same make-up, one jar candle will not have the same feel as another jar candle. Unless you buy them all together, but even then there can be differences.
  • Not all crock pots are created equal. Tread with caution. We've found that it's best to turn it on and melt the wax and then unplug it once the wax is the right temperature. The wax should be well stirred, as there will be hot and cool spots if you don't mix it well.
  • Buy a bunch of cheap shower curtains at the dollar store, something you can throw away once play has stopped. Wax play is messy and there can be a lot of splatter. You may need to spread two or three of them out if you are being messy, or one may be enough if you're just using a single taper candle at a time.
  • Shave very, very, close. And be sure you get every hair. Shave better than you ever have before. And keep your hair up and away from the activity.
  • A rub down of baby oil ahead of time can make it easier to get the wax off of you. Sometimes I'm allowed baby oil, sometimes the plan is to flog the wax off of me and there is no baby oil ahead of time.
  • Have a bowl of ice close at hand, just in case. It's a safety thing, but can also be fun to play with. When blindfolded, sometimes you can't immediately tell the difference between a drip from an ice cube and a drip from a candle.
  • If the submissive is restrained and you are using candles then a fire extinguisher and quick release snaps would be a good idea.
  • Some people use paintbrushes to paint wax designs onto the skin of their submissive. I'm not a fan. Ladle it on me all you want, but don't torture me with a paintbrush.
  • The Top should be aware of where hot wax is dripping and puddling. If what he is pouring onto a back is sliding down to the outside of her breast, or finding its way down the crack of her ass, that may or may not be a good thing. The back and legs and stomach can generally take much hotter temperatures than the sensitive bits. It's okay to put it on the sensitive bits, but you'll probably want to do it from a good bit higher up.
  • If you've seen people made into human candelabras and want to try it, it's best if there isn't a metal piece on the bottom of the candle.

If you've never played around with it and want to try it out in a small way then my advice is the jar candles from the dollar store and either the tablecloths or shower curtains from the dollar store. The kitchen floor or the dining room table may be a better solution than the bedroom - use your best judgment. The Top should start high up and slowly work down. If the aim is for sensual pleasure then the Top will probably stay fairly high, if the aim is that of the Sadist and masochist then it is still advisable work your way down slowly the first time.

When done correctly wax play can be a very safe and sensual... or safe and painful, thing to play around with.

And for us, since we only do it once or twice a year, it's one of those things that never gets old. I both love it and dread it when I know it's coming.

Have you ever played around with wax play? Do you like it or hate it? Is it a sensual thing for you, or is it the pain you enjoy? If you haven't played around with it, does the idea of the sensuality of it or the idea of the pain of it do more for you?


  1. I would add that one shouldn't start wax play on an area of skin that's already been spanked, belted, etc. That was unfortunately my first experience with wax, and it was a long time before I could be "coaxed" into trying it again. My skin was already red and painful, and the wax drips felt like hot needles. ::shudders::

  2. The really big fat Crayola crayons can be dipped in flame, so that just the end melts, and then used to write on a body with melted-but-not-super-hot-wax, if you like the art but don't like the paintbrushes. It's slow, and requires a lot of patience. And I wouldn't let it get in the flame enough to drip, because I think the drip would be a hotter than paraffin and unsafe. Done with just a dash through the flame, tho, it's non burning.

    Candles aren't too hard to make on your own, either, if you want to control the melting point properties (which is what causes some candles to be hotter than others when they drip on you -- low melting point means less pain, which one can modify by dripping it closer, as Candace points out, and less chance of burning.)

  3. Looking for sex tips to spice things up? There are many ways to do so, but one that many couples are unfamiliar with is incorporating hot and cold play in the bedroom wax play

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