Sunday, May 29, 2011

Kinky Humor Sunday

I wrote this a couple years ago, when I started to get involved in the online kink world for the first time. I became very amused by the way many doms and subs tried to style themselves as the "mostest bestest very most serious-est" of their kind. S-types in particular seemed to delight in out-slaving one another and throwing one another under the BDSM bus. Ah, gotta love em.

HOW MANY SUBS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?

Answer:

1 to say she's not allowed to change a light bulb without Master's permission;

3 to say they're not even allowed to talk about changing a lightbulb without Master's permission;

1 to say, "well, that's why I'm glad I'm a sub and not a slave;"

15 to take offense to that statement as slaves;

56 to become embroiled in a discussion about what defines a slave vs. a sub;

3 peacemakers to point out that the definition of slave and sub is complicated, and different for everyone;

1 to finally overcome their submissive nature, take the initiative, and go to the store to pick one out;

4 to stress out on her return whether or not that particular light bulb casts the most pleasing glow for Master or Dom's pleasure;

1 to begin to screw it in anyway;

6 to debate if that's the right way to screw it in, because they do it differently;

1 to say, "well, I do it differently because I am a slave, not just a sub';

15 to take offense to the 'just a sub' phrasing;

78 to become embroiled in a hot debate over who's better, a sub or a slave;

3 to act as peacemakers and point out that the important thing is to change the light bulb according to their own kinks and beliefs;

1 to once again take the initiative to start screwing in the bulb;

436 to remind the sub that she needs to use lube every time;

5 to argue that it's more exciting to just do it dry;

436 to say, 'well then, I hope you are stocking up on Depends';

1 to tell that urban legend about the person who tried to 'insert' a light bulb and ended up in the ER;

1 to comment that she and Master use the Gorean ritual to change lightbulbs while cryptically leaving out what that entails;

4 to say they don't change lightbulbs because they're only submissive in the bedroom;

19 to comment that, for them, BDSM is about a lot more than sex;

6 to make cheeky, naughty comments about sex with their Master or Dom anyway;

33 to soothe the sub afterwards, when she worries she did not install the light bulb well enough to please Master or Dom.

1 to compose this list and post it to the Suck it up, Buttercup group on Fet Life.

HOW MANY MASTERS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?

None...they make their submissives do it.

7 comments:

  1. This is SO funny!! I can see this argument actually taking place. Out-slaving. LOL!!

    ~ Diana

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  2. very funny. Have to admit, you hit every possible argument, although I'm sure someone else will take umbrage and you'll need the 3 peacemakers to get the herd calmed down again.
    LOL
    Q

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  3. This still makes me laugh. I just looked up my How Many Fetlifers Does It Take To Change a Lightbulb thread (with multiple contributions), and that made me laugh, too, but it's not appropriate for here. I'll offer the URL for anyone who wants it, though it's on Fetlife so you'd have to be signed up.

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  4. "1 to tell that urban legend about the person who tried to 'insert' a light bulb and ended up in the ER"

    I love that part.

    This makes me laugh every time I read it. Thanks for posting it here.

    ReplyDelete