Kinky Humor Sunday

I wrote this a couple years ago, when I started to get involved in the online kink world for the first time. I became very amused by the way many doms and subs tried to style themselves as the "mostest bestest very most serious-est" of their kind. S-types in particular seemed to delight in out-slaving one another and throwing one another under the BDSM bus. Ah, gotta love em.

HOW MANY SUBS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?

Answer:

1 to say she's not allowed to change a light bulb without Master's permission;

3 to say they're not even allowed to talk about changing a lightbulb without Master's permission;

1 to say, "well, that's why I'm glad I'm a sub and not a slave;"

15 to take offense to that statement as slaves;

56 to become embroiled in a discussion about what defines a slave vs. a sub;

3 peacemakers to point out that the definition of slave and sub is complicated, and different for everyone;

1 to finally overcome their submissive nature, take the initiative, and go to the store to pick one out;

4 to stress out on her return whether or not that particular light bulb casts the most pleasing glow for Master or Dom's pleasure;

1 to begin to screw it in anyway;

6 to debate if that's the right way to screw it in, because they do it differently;

1 to say, "well, I do it differently because I am a slave, not just a sub';

15 to take offense to the 'just a sub' phrasing;

78 to become embroiled in a hot debate over who's better, a sub or a slave;

3 to act as peacemakers and point out that the important thing is to change the light bulb according to their own kinks and beliefs;

1 to once again take the initiative to start screwing in the bulb;

436 to remind the sub that she needs to use lube every time;

5 to argue that it's more exciting to just do it dry;

436 to say, 'well then, I hope you are stocking up on Depends';

1 to tell that urban legend about the person who tried to 'insert' a light bulb and ended up in the ER;

1 to comment that she and Master use the Gorean ritual to change lightbulbs while cryptically leaving out what that entails;

4 to say they don't change lightbulbs because they're only submissive in the bedroom;

19 to comment that, for them, BDSM is about a lot more than sex;

6 to make cheeky, naughty comments about sex with their Master or Dom anyway;

33 to soothe the sub afterwards, when she worries she did not install the light bulb well enough to please Master or Dom.

1 to compose this list and post it to the Suck it up, Buttercup group on Fet Life.

HOW MANY MASTERS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?

None...they make their submissives do it.