His head or hers?

So the backstory is...I'm working on a novel.

Part of the challenge for me with every story is deciding whose head we're going to be in--his head or hers. In other words, POV or "point of view." For many novels, it's not such a big issue. I spend time in both characters' heads depending on which character has the most to contribute to the particular POV of any given scene.

But sometimes I can't decide which character's head I want to be in for a scene, and that really sucks! If I choose the wrong character, I might get to the end and realize it doesn't work. Then I have to rewrite that scene switching the POV. I've had to do this on several occasions and strangely they always end up being really strong scenes, I guess because I've essentially written them twice. But it's frustrating!

The kink and erotic element brings up another consideration. Do we want to feel his sadistic rush? The internal conflicts to his outward control? Or do we want to feel her masochistic surrender? Her terror or jubilant happiness at her lack of control?

Whenever I finish a book, I always feel like half the story is missing, because in any particular sex or kink scene, we are getting one POV rather than both. That doesn't mean I want to start writing stories in the omniscient voice, or that I want to start head-hopping from character to character throughout each scene. But it is always a conundrum to decide which character gets to take us through which scenes.

With my book Club Mephisto, I solved the problem by staying in one head only--the slavegirl, Molly. This was an intentional decision because I wanted us to feel as though we were taking Molly's journey with her. I never wanted my readers to have a chance to escape from her mind. I was happy with the end result...I do not regret that decision one iota. However, I do feel there's a whole book hiding under the surface of that book--the book that tells what Mephisto, her (temporary) Master thought and felt. We never learn anything about that at all--we only know what we observe and surmise through Molly's eyes.

Ah, well. Maybe someday I'll write that book. I keep saying I will but I haven't started it yet, except to write the title down on a document and save it.

As a reader, do you have a preferred "side" as far as POV? Do you prefer to read kink scenes from the POV of the top or the bottom? What about erotic scenes? Do you prefer to see and feel the action from a man's POV or a woman's?