I've been missing some people lately. They're people I've met at online kink forums, or blogs, or local play parties. One thing all these people have in common is that I never really knew who they were.
Oh, I "knew" them in a kink sense. I knew if they were tops or bottoms, what their fetishes were, what pushed their buttons big time. In fact, with many of them I had deep conversations about kink, love, and life. But something I've come to understand is that--in the kink world--people come and go. And really, you never reeeeally know who that person is.
Of course, we all have a need for privacy, and many of us also have a need for deniability. We hold jobs where morality and reputation are of utmost importance. I understand why people I meet in the kink arena can't share real names or real lives. I've talked to men and women, become really good friends with them, not even knowing if they were married or single, whether they had kids going off to college or a horrible tragedy in their early lives.
Being kinky with someone involves a lot of trust, and perhaps that trust feels even more acute when you realize you have so much to lose. When you realize you have to hide a lot of things about yourself, and yet be forthcoming about the things that matter most.
I don't know. I've really been missing people lately who have slipped out of my life. People who used to inspire me, who used to make me laugh until I cried. Who used to turn me on, just for fun because they knew what buttons to push. People who were online one day, and then disappeared into thin air the next. People who used to come out to play parties who just stopped coming. We've stopped going ourselves too, for the moment. Maybe we'll go back out someday.
But there's something kind of sad about getting to know a lot of people you'll never really know. It's something I'm still coming to terms with.