Thursday, October 6, 2011

Is there really room for love in power exchange?

This is a romance blog of course. The title says it all. Kinky Ever After, like Cinderella and her Prince.

But are we all just fooling ourselves? Can there really be love in a pure power exchange relationship?

For the record, I'm not talking about bedroom play or weekend play or casual kink. I'm talking about 24/7 power exchange, where the dynamic is always "on." Sure, most of us don't play that hard, but among those who do, can there ever be "real" love? Or is it something else?

The thing is, when we are being purely dominant or purely submissive, part of ourselves is being restrained. Perhaps, for the dominant, it's his permissive or vulnerable side. For the submissive, perhaps it's her initiative and independence that's willfully subdued.

And if that's the case...if people are putting aspects of themselves away to inhabit a role...can they truly connect as lovers? Or must people interact (at least occasionally) as equals to recognize and develop true love? Do we need to step outside the strictures of power exchange to really know and love another person at their very core?

I know, I'm asking a lot of questions. But I'm curious. What do you think?


  1. I think if a couple chooses a 24/7 power exchange relationship then they are not restraining a part of themselves. That is, if this is who they truly are to their core. I think that they would be embracing who they truly are and that love would have to be at the center of ther relationship in order for it to last long term. Love is not one thing it is a whole spectrum of thoughts, feelings and actions.

  2. If love is a spectrum, then is there room for it, if people are operating in rigid roles? I don't think there can be full love if the whole personality is not engaged. Two people already in love might make it if they changed their relationship to a TPE, I do not see it working the other way.

  3. I think I'm with Jen -- if they aren't "playing a role", but are actually the person they are allowed to be in the power exchange, then they aren't holding anything back. If the submissive has power in her job, maybe she doesn't need to have it at home? Or maybe she just doesn't need to have it anywhere.

    I agree that if they are in roles instead of being who they really are, that's a problem in the long term.