I'm reading a lot of posts lately from women who want advice on making their husbands more dominant.
When my husband and I were entirely new to the concept of lifestyle D/s, I adopted the belief that I could be the perfect sub I was meant to be if only my husband would manage me better. In my fantasy he always wore leather while at home---complete with a matching hat---and he'd have a paddle attached to his belt loop, and I'd be punished every single time I didn't follow the rules, or if I had the slightest bit of an attitude problem. In short, I wanted him to do all the work.
I don't wish to give the impression that my husband wasn't fulfilling his role. He was doing plenty, but he wasn't doing it the way I wanted.
I know, I know. Group cringe, everyone.
And so began my topping-from-the-bottom jihad. I printed articles from the internet for him, and over dinner I would tell him about the blogs I'd read that day. I extolled the virtues of Loving Domestic Discipline (and bought the book for him, which he never read), and spent hours researching punishment implements he "should" use on me. I provided my husband with page after page of training instructions written by Doms whose websites I'd discovered.
I would have had more success herding cats.
Fortunately, just before my husband's eyes permanently glazed over, I stumbled upon wisdom on the internet. A lifestyle submissive was asked, "How do I make my husband more dominant?" The answer: "Concentrate on perfecting your own submission. You'll have more than enough to change in your own behavior without worrying about his."
Once I started practicing this, I sure didn't need a book, article or blog to show me what a crappy sub I'd been. Practicing true submission became the hardest job I'd ever had, and it was astonishing how often I threw screws in the works of our developing D/s relationship. But the more I worked on my own behavior, the more pleasing I became to my husband. Before I knew it, things were evolving beautifully, and without my damned "help." It sounds so simple, but I can't tell you how difficult it was to get out of my own way, and his.