Most of the male heros in common literature do nothing for me. There are some exceptions -- Curran from the Kate Daniels series, Roarke from the In Death series, several of the Alpha Males in the Psy-Changelings series. There are also a whole lot of vampires out there who can send a bit of a thrill my way, but since most of them feed when they have sex, tying pain into sex, that really doesn't come as a surprise.
Roarke and Eve may not have a power exchange relationship, but they are both very powerful people, and at times one chooses to let the other lead. And at times one of them forces the issue and leads whether the other likes it or not. Not too often, but they've both got a temper, and they are both used to being in control. Best of all, they both seem to enjoy rough sex, where Roarke occasionally comes out with an Irish "You'll take what I give you, then," as he takes her.
As for Kate and Curran... both are powerful as well. I think sometimes Kate scares Curran with what she can do with magic, but that gets balanced out when he has to rescue her and then see that she is put back together again. It's also a bit of a see-saw with them as to who will call which shots and who will take the back seat. Or maybe with this couple it's more tug-of-war than see-saw. It works, though, and I find myself fascinated by Curran in so many ways.
Are there any vanilla Alpha Male characters who especially work for you?