Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Giveaway: Finding Eden by Kele Moon

I have to admit, I have a special affection for stories with flawed, sometimes twisted characters who don't always play by the rules. When you throw BDSM into the mix, they can make for very emotionally intense reading. The recent m/m release by fellow author Kele Moon, Finding Eden, fed my love for such romance and I wanted to share it with all of you. Here's the deal, I'm giving away a copy of Finding Eden to one random commenter. All you have to do to enter the giveaway is leave me a comment mentioning one of your favorite flawed fictional characters (please include your email) and follow our blog. I'll announce the winner on Saturday.


Blurb:

Handsome, angry and spoiled, Danny Carlow struggles to find his place in the world when his hatred for authority makes survival difficult. The only thing that keeps him from completely giving up and turning to a life of crime is his friendship with clean-cut Paul Mattling. More than his conscience and his best friend, Paul’s also the one Danny secretly pines for with every ounce of his being.


Paul is a natural over-achiever with a football scholarship and straight As to boast about. Yet Paul is haunted by an abusive childhood that’s left him more scarred than anyone realizes. Looking for an escape from his demons, Paul has his own deviant secrets, ones he doesn’t want anyone, especially Danny, to know about.


When dark desires are accidentally revealed Danny and Paul end up coming together in a clash of wild passion more tumultuous than either of them could have anticipated. Tasting the forbidden is sweet, but it turns the tables on their relationship, putting everything, even their lifelong friendship, in jeopardy.



An Excerpt From: FINDING EDEN

Copyright © KELE MOON, 2011

All Rights Reserved, Ellora's Cave Publishing, Inc.

“How the hell am I supposed to know?” Paul snapped, the fight against the raging lust making him defiant and angry. He didn’t want to be waging this battle, not when he was hurting this nicely and Danny smelled like smoky sex wrapped up in one very attractive package. “Do I look like a doctor?”

Danny shoved him in retaliation. Taken by surprise, the back of Paul’s head smacked against the window. That was all it took for the fight to slip out of him as if he had never waged the battle to begin with. He arched into Danny with a low groan, his eyes rolling back under the flood of longing that washed over him, crushing every last bit of resistance he had.

Danny’s breath hitched, his body going ramrod stiff in reaction. “Oh my God,” he choked out, the shock ringing in his voice.

Paul’s mind ran rampant with the problem of trying to talk Danny into playing with him. He disconnected himself completely, freeing him from the worry of a destroyed friendship. When he opened his eyes, he made them soft on purpose. He licked his lips, being very aware of how that action drew Danny’s gaze to them and it was obvious they both knew what he was implying.

Danny opened his mouth, nothing but a choking gasp slipping past his lips. Then he pulled away, sitting back up in the driver’s seat and stared ahead unseeing. He rested his hands on the steering wheel, his shoulders unnaturally stiff, his chest rising and falling in rapid pants of what Paul could only assume was extreme shock.

“You have officially fucked up the voice of my conscience, Paul Guy,” Danny finally whispered after the longest minute of Paul’s life. “And it’s really bad timing.”

“I’m sorry,” Paul rasped, not really sure what he was apologizing for, but hating himself for pissing Danny off nonetheless. “I won’t do it again.”

“I can’t do this,” Danny started, his eyes still wide and staring into the darkness as if he were talking to himself. “It’d be such a dick move to take advantage of you when you’re like this. It’d be bad, Paul Guy, really bad—even for me. There’s something wrong with you. Your father fucked you up or something. I can’t take advantage of that. Tell me how fucked up that would be.”

Paul stared hard, his jaw falling slack. Danny was actually considering it. That was painfully easy, much more so than Paul had expected.

Excitement made his voice quiver as he said frantically, “But I like the idea of you taking advantage of me. It’s sorta—hot.” Paul looked away after the last word, feeling embarrassed despite everything because he’d done it, he’d laid it out on the table in a way only someone who got off on humiliation could.

“What triggers it?” Danny asked, still refusing to look at Paul. “Is it just the pain? Or is it something else?”

“I like the mind fuck,” Paul explained, answering Danny’s questions without an ounce of censorship because it wasn’t in him to lie to the person he’d handed the reins to. “And I love the pain, that’s my fetish. But I like to be dominated too, to be told what to do. I like providing pleasure. Really, I like whatever you like.”

“Can I just be an asshole?” Danny clarified, his grip on the steering wheel white knuckled once more. “Or do I have to hurt you?”

“Are you willing to hurt me?” Paul asked in surprise, unable to hide the longing and excitement in his voice.

“What’d I get if I do?” Danny finally turned to look at him, his glare so penetrating, Paul actually held his breath in response. “If I go along with this fucked-up shit you’re into, I wanna know what exactly I get in return.”

“Anything you want,” Paul said without hesitation. He gave Danny a look and punctuated his voice on purpose. “Anything.

Danny was silent, unmoving, like a predator stalking prey. His eyes narrowed in a silent challenge before he leaned over once more, falling into him. Paul responded immediately, arching in invitation. When Danny reached up, pushing at Paul’s cheek, forcing him to look away, Paul went with it, offering his neck to him when he felt Danny’s breath hot against his sensitive skin.

Danny dragged his tongue from the curve of his neck up to the soft spot behind his ear, doing it slowly as if staking ownership. Paul knew he was being deliberately lascivious, testing the waters on purpose, but he didn’t give a fuck. He groaned out loud, his chest heaving under the waves of longing, his cock aching to the point he wondered if he was going to embarrass himself and come right there.

When Danny’s teeth sank into the curve of his neck, latching onto skin and muscle and then tugging, Paul’s entire body jerked in reaction. “Fuck,” he ground out, sliding his hand between their bodies and pushing his palm against his cock that was straining against his leather pants. “S-Stop,” he pleaded desperately. “Please stop, Danny Boy.”

“Can’t take it?” Danny asked, lifting his head to glare at him, his eyes shining with profound disappointment. “Wanna run back to your girlfriends instead of take what I have to offer?”

“No, I just—” Paul swallowed hard, fighting the lust that was hazing his brain to the point even speaking was difficult. He studied Danny, taking in the hurt that showed on his face and trying to figure out what he did to cause it. “I don’t wanna come— Yet. Unless you want me to. Do you want me to?”

Confusion marred Danny’s brow for a brief moment before his eyes darted to Paul’s crotch. When he lifted them again, a ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. “No.” His voice was sultry, the lull of his Southern accent making it smooth and compelling as he licked at his full lips. “If you’re hard for me, coming would ruin it. I don’t like that.” He leaned closer once more, placing a kiss against the patch of skin he damaged with his teeth. “Maybe I’ll leave you hard and aching for days, months, years. That’s how long I’ve been hard for you. Turnabout’s fair play, dontcha think, Paul Guy?”


You can pick up a copy of Kele's book here at Ellora's Cave.


Monday, August 29, 2011

Kink Monday: Role Play

Role Play is another one of those things that can traverse the spectrum of slightly kinky all the way to beyond extremely kinky.

In the slightly kinky realm we have professor/college student, or doctor/patient, or even john/prostitute. Those things can also be extremely kinky, if you choose, but apparently even mostly vanilla couples can have fun roleplaying those scenarios.

A little more kinky is the abduction or burglar scenario, where you are simulating rape. Those can actually be the most violent, where one person is fighting and the other trying to subdue them, so be careful with those.

More complex roleplay can involve a real slave fantasy situation. If you've both read a fantasy book you enjoy (like, say, Owned And Owner) then you could create a scenario plausible on that world, or in that universe. If you want to stick to planet Earth, you could imagine some sort of human trafficking situation, where you've been kidnapped and are being trained as a sex slave before being sold. Those scenarios can begin with a cuffed or otherwise restrained prisoner/slave, so they tend to not be as violent as the kidnapping or burglar type scenarios.

There is also the mad scientist scenario, a little different (and scarier) take on the doctor/patient.

We have a role playing scenario that my husband particularly enjoys. It's a bit complicated to explain, but it's pretty simple to play out. Imagine a world where people can buy sex slaves, and not all of them have the constitution to punish their slave as he or she needs to be punished, or rather, they don't follow through with their training, and before long they have what appears to be a poorly trained slave. There will be "Master Punishers" that these men pay to re-train their slaves when needed. Slaves know if they start failing in their duties they will be sent to a Master Punisher for a few days, or longer. This keeps most of them on their toes, but some still need to go for retraining occasionally. In our scenario, I come in through the garage door as a restrained slave, cuffed and blindfolded, and we spend whatever time we have without the kiddos with me being "re-trained". And not just retrained, but retrained by a cold professional who is only interested in results, not feelings. We don't have the opportunity to do it very often anymore, once upon a time (before kids) we'd begin this on Friday evening and end it on Sunday evening. Now we're lucky if we have 24 hours of it once or twice a year. When you can do it over a period of days then it can involve sleeping in restraints, loss of bathroom privileges without permission, loss of food choices, near-constant plugging and bondage, and a whole lot of punishment type impact play that just goes on and on and on. Some of those things are normally a hard limit of mine, but I'm willing to endure them for a very short period of time (a day or two) in order to have fun with a role playing scenario. I've actually written part of a manuscript based on such a world, but it was a bit too close to home and I stopped it partway through. Perhaps someday I'll go back to it.

Other scenarios involve animal play, where one partner is a pony, a puppy or dog, or a cat or kitten. Some people enjoy the blackmail scenario, where you pretend one person has knowledge that could get the other in trouble and bargains for sex in order to not tell the secret.

The important thing to remember with any role play is that you negotiate ahead of time so it is clear what can and cannot happen, and that there is a safeword in place in case things get too intense.

What is your favorite role playing scenario? Are there any toys or accessories you need in order to make them more realistic?


Thursday, August 25, 2011

When characters won't stop having sex...

I have this problem. Well, it's not exactly a problem, but the hero and heroine of my work-in-progess can't seem to haul themselves out of bed!

Believe me, I'm delighted about it. It seems like as soon as I think the love scene is wrapping up, he looks at her, or she looks at him, and they're all over each other once again. I've created two people who are really sexually compatible, and writing their sexual escapades thus far has been fun.

But I'm a little worried too. I know there needs to be tension, and that at some point, I need to get these characters out of bed (or off the floor, or spanking bench) and get them doing some real relationship things.

And TALKING.

Dialogue and narrative are just as important as the horny sexy scenes in an erotic romance, I believe. When I read other authors' books, I find they all kind of fit into a general balance of sex and...well...stuff besides sex. The books I've really lost interest in or didn't finish were the books where the sex and relationship tension didn't even out.

Actually, for myself, I like the relationship tension even more than the sex. Maybe it's because I've written so many sex scenes myself, but sometimes I'll actually skip through the sex to get to the next page in the development of their relationship. I feel kind of awful admitting that, but I'm just so fascinated in the ways people relate to each other (or relate dysfunctionally...that is even MORE interesting.)

What about you? What is more important to you in an erotic romance: hot, copious amounts of sex, or a large amount of story development? If you had to choose one or the other to dominate in a book, what would it be? Sex or story?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Re-writes

I've been given feedback on a manuscript that tells me I've got some changes to make -- things I didn't see, but that others do. It would appear that just making the submissive trust the Dom is not enough -- I also have to provide enough information so the reader trusts the Dom. Yeah, that's not a tall order. I'm sure I can make some readers trust him... but I'm not so sure I can make everyone trust him.

A caring sadist sounds like an oxymoron, but it isn't. I know that such a being exists, as I'm married to one and have met many others. But there are also cold-hearted sadists and it is important that the distinction be clear. Apparently I need to pay a little more attention to the caring with this particular Dom. I know he's a good guy, but it appears I failed to show it.

In an effort to give better insight into how the Dom thinks, I've written three conversations so far, but don't like any of them. One of them has the submissive talking to the Dom's best friend, another has the submissive overhearing a conversation between the Dom and his friend, and another is between the Dom and the sub directly. But all of them come off flat to me. I'm telling through dialogue and it's not working. Of course, I had to rewrite the conversation three times before that tidbit finally sunk in.

The book in question stays in the submissive's head the entire time, we never see the Dom's perspective. I think I'm going to write a scene from his perspective, see where that gets us. He's a really nice guy, and I want people to like him, after all.

What does it take for you to be able to like a fictitious, sadistic, dominant man? Is it enough to let him prove he's trustworthy by playing safe and respecting safewords, or do you need to understand what makes him tick?


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Getting my genres crossed

A couple of weeks ago I was working away at Book Three, and finding out how unclear I still was on the concept. When I’m stuck I consult, but half the time I end up even more brain-scrambled. I was faced with the whole concept of genre, which I had not considered before, and particularly with the fact that my potential book fits into rather too many, and thus possibly into none at all.

This wasn’t an issue for, say, Douglas Adams when he wrote Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. He described the book as “A thumping good detective–ghost–horror--who dunnit--time travel–romantic–musical--comedy–epic.” But the author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy could get away with anything. Not only would people read anything he wrote, but the book is wonderful so they kept reading.

But a reader who opens a bdsm book has certain…shall we say… expectations? Yes, bdsm erotica is now combined with science fiction, paranormal, romance, steampunk, mystery and no doubt many other genres. The genres are usually obvious from the cover and the blurb, and the readers who open those books also know what they think they’re getting. In the commercial world of publishing, genre is crucial. Formulas come into play. Readers’ anticipations have to be met and fulfilled, book after book.

I can relate to being disappointed when something doesn’t fit the genre I was expecting. I recall a couple of books that should have been detective fiction according to their blurbs. In both, the policeman protagonists were more tragic figures than detectives, and figured out nothing at all. The blurbs were totally misleading, obviously written by someone at the publishing house who assumed a clear-cut genre when the novels didn’t fit.

But I’m reluctant to shoehorn myself into a particular niche. The story I’m plotting has plenty of bdsm, of course (that’s a given), and is contemporary, like As She’s Told, but it has elements that might get it labelled as paranormal. Those seeking paranormal bdsm might be disappointed, though, because I think of it more as magic realism (remember The Time Traveler’s Wife?). I’m also trying to write a serious bdsm-lit novel focused on characterization and relationships, so those looking for a quick and raunchy kink fix are going to be grumbling and skipping a lot of pages.

I don’t fit. That’s really what this post is about. And I hope I’ll be forgiven, because I’m stubborn as hell and will write the book I want to write, genre be damned. (And will then of course agonize over the confusion and negative reactions I’ve engendered.)

Do you care if genres get mixed? What’s your reaction if a book goes down some road you didn’t expect?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I've suffered for my art, now it's your turn

I've been battling my way through a manuscript lately, and I've decided to put it aside, and start something else. It's been years since I've done that with something I've gotten more than a few thousand words into. My approach to a novel is usually to write a bit, get to know the characters, and then to outline the rest of the book.

Somewhere in there I got lost. What I'd created was superficially a romance, but poke at it a little more and it was a book about me, about my experiences, my fears. The sex, and even the romance, becamse secondary to pouring out frustration and anger at the world onto the page. There's nothing wrong with putting myself into a book; in fact, I couldn't write worth a damn if there wasn't a lot of me in every book, and every character. There is something wrong with letting it get out of control, however, and spending thousands of words talking about something no one but the writer cares about. Like most things, there's a balance. Somewhere in what I have written is a good story, maybe two. If I cut out a whole bunch, I'd probably have the core of something I could move forward with and write a good, commercially successful romance. But I can't bear to make those cuts right now after putting so much of myself on the page, and I need some distance in order to make the right decisions. Maybe it's the romance I should take out, because I'd be able to explore the issues that drove me forward better in a thriller. I don't know yet.

I do know that there's a gap between what's good to write and what's good to read sometimes. It's very tempting to do the former, but it's not disciplined, and it doesn't make for a readable book. This happens occasionally with research, too -- once I've done some for a book, I want to share all that information, whether it's relevant or not. I once heard an SF writer call this, "I suffered for my art, and now it's your turn." That little phrase stuck in my head and gets exactly at what I'm talking about. I suspect, if you think about it, you'll realize you've read a book like that. I think they tend to come from established authors rather than novices, actually. I've published or contracted nearly a dozen books now, and I do not want to become that kind of author.

Better to be self-indulgent in a blog than a story. And while I'm at self-indulgence, Secretary for Two is now available at Fictionwise and Amazon. Woohoo!

Back to the subject. The moment I made the decision to put my manuscript aside, ideas started flowing for other books, and I have one of them I'm excited about, a little ménage plot. Something I'll enjoy writing, and that readers will enjoy reading. Something with something of myself in it, and my own fantasies, without being on a soapbox. Off to write!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Quickie anyone?

I need to preface this with an apology for my lack of presence here at KEA. My home-life has been hectic to say the least. Summer is at its end, finally, and I will have more time for blogging and that thing called my writing career, which has recently taken a backseat, very soon.

With the little time I have had, I've taken writing a short story into serious consideration. It's very difficult to delve into an emotional, full-length novel when you can only snatch twenty minutes here and there to actually work on something. Having such tight time constraints makes eighty thousand words seem insurmountable. A ten thousand word quickie looks very appealing in contrast.

I have to be in the mood to read them myself. When I am, an erotic amuse-bouche can be very tasty. I like them to be the perfect bite, if you will -- hot, steam-my-panties-off sex and the right amount of kink. I have an affection for shorts that focus on one particular fetish, whatever that may be.

The thing is, do readers actually like short stories? Why or why not?

Monday, August 15, 2011

Kink Monday: Punishment

I've seen several discussions around punishment degenerate into what is "real" and what isn't. Whether there is punishment in a relationship, and if so then how it is handled, is a very personal thing.

I am aware of a few D/s relationships where there is no punishment. She is submissive so she submits. If she doesn't do as told then they talk about it. If it happens too much then the relationship isn't working out. The underlying theme is that if she is submissive then she should want to do as told, if she isn't doing as she's told then they need to figure out what happened so it won't happen again. There is no punishment factor, just discussion about what is and is not working. It works for them. It's "real" for them. I get that punishment is not necessary in order to make a power exchange relationship a reality.

In my experience, most D/s relationships do have a punishment aspect, though. Parameters are agreed upon for punishment during the initial negotiations, and then the Top makes decisions based on those boundaries. Some couples keep punishment to impact tools -- flogs and paddles and whips and canes. Others use things like corner time, writing lines, not being allowed to sleep in the bed, etc. Some borrow from the Victorians and use enemas. I'm aware of one particular 24/7 TPE relationship where food choices are used - bland oatmeal is a punishment, steak is a reward.

Where impact tools are used, the recurring question is... if she likes pain then is it really punishment? Ummm, yes. It is. I may enjoy pain once I've been warmed up, but full strength strokes without a warm up are not my cup of tea. It is true that some people do the same things that the bottom enjoys for both play and punishment. For the submissive, since it is punishment it isn't fun, even though the same stroke would be fun if put into that context. If that works for them then great - super -- there are no rules to this, whatever works for the couple is fine as long as it is consensual.

Most of the long term relationships I'm aware of in real life have some sort of agreement that takes away the safeword for punishment. This is only done once the couple know each other really well, and the submissive is comfortable that the Dom knows her well enough to understand the edge between more-than-play and too-fucking-far. And, when the Dom is sure that he knows where that edge is, too. Many couples actually write out what can be done without a safeword - X amounts of strikes with a belt, Y amount of strokes with the wooden spoon, etc. The Dom may choose to do less, but if he does more then the submissive can safeword to stop it.

For some, punishment between two adults is silly. For others, it cements the D/s part of the relationship. Someone is in charge, someone has given up control -- what better way to hammer that point home than for the person in charge to be able to punish the person who has given up control?

Do punishments work for you in fiction? Are you more turned on by the Dom who enforces rules in a no-nonsense way, or by the Dom who is lenient when passing out punishment?


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Can rough sex be good sex?

I'm working on a story right now and I'm having conflicts with my hero. You see, he's into rough sex. Really rough sex.

I want the heroine to be into it too. Let me put it this way...he's persuading her to see things his way, and his way is very very...rough.

I'm not going to be glib and say, "Oh, my muse is making me do this." If I wanted to, I could round out this guy's edges a bit, make him a little gentler and a little more likeable. But that would feel fake to me. This guy likes it rough and he likes it edgy. In his favor, he wants the heroine to find pleasure in this too.

So, for me, that makes it okay. As long as she likes it, he can be as rough and ragged as he pleases. Comfort Object was that way, and Deep in the Woods. Those heroines liked their BDSM hard--and in Nell's case, humiliating--and their dominants' actions pleased them. These acts were consensual.

So how do you feel about consensual rough sex? Is there a point where you'll say, "um, nope. Whether she likes it or not, this is not for me." I'm guessing there probably is. I mean, I have that line myself, where anything beyond it is squicky to me, whether the participants are having mind-blowing orgasms or not.

This book is still in the very very earliest stages of development so I'm not sure where the rough sex is going, and whether it will soften over the course of the relationship, or get harder. But this is kind of new territory for me. It will be interesting to see where the rough sex fits into romance and happily ever after. Because we, of all people, understand about hurting the ones you love.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Why it takes me five years

I’m finally actually writing my third book – yes! You may see it for sale in a mere five years or so! (For me a whole page is a good day.)

One of the things that slows me down is the one-idea problem. I have one idea / scene / event that I spend half the day wrestling with and working out, and the other half painfully getting into actual words on the page. Sure, I think I’m clear ahead of time on what I’m going to write, but rarely does it turn out that way.

Today I was all set to spend a few minutes on a scene at the point where my heroine moves out of the house. But, oops, where is she moving to? I set my scenes on real streets; I need to get that straight. Spent some time on Google Maps deciding where she’d go. Two lines into writing it occurred to me – as a student, how is she affording this? I started looking up rental prices in Toronto, and then the minimum wage, and began questioning whether it was realistic for her to move out at all. Then I started questioning why she had to move out. (All of this is deeply ironic and familiar because my last kid just left home.) By the time I had it sorted (yes, she needed to move out, and she was going to work for a year to save money before university), half the day was gone.

Tomorrow it will be the same thing all over again with the next scene. It’s a bit like making dinner by preparing one ingredient at a time, starting with growing it from seed. You plant the cauliflower, grow it, weed it, pick it, cook it, eat it, wash the dishes, and then flood your back yard and start growing the rice. Don’t ask me about incubating the baby chicks. I’ll get to it sometime; I just don’t know when.

I’ve spent inordinate amounts of time rummaging through Google to get the details right. I figure out how locks are put together, where streetcars go and what is on the actual restaurant’s menu. Sometimes it’s necessary, and sometimes it’s a fabulous way to procrastinate while convincing myself that I’m really working. The problem is, if something doesn’t make sense I can’t skip it and move on; I have to work away at it until it does.

Writers who are able to just write, full out – to get a draft down before they edit – have my total admiration and envy. I edit constantly. A sentence can be rearranged five times, ten times before it sounds right to me. And chances are I’ll rearrange it again the next time I see it. I’m also trying to write about the subtleties of feelings, relationships, the nature of power – and I’m making it up as I go along. How much to say? How much to leave to the reader’s interpretation? I oscillate between worrying that I’m being too obscure and too obvious.

Then of course there are the distractions. Email, Fetlife, lunch. Email, Fetlife, dinner. Blog. Goodreads. It’s summer; aren’t I supposed to be getting out of the house once in a while?

Nah. Lunchtime. I’ll plant the seed of the next scene while I eat.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Kink Monday: Enemas

There are six reasons (that I'm aware of) to use enemas for kink:

  • To clean things out for other activities. The enema is either ordered to be done, or administered as a means to an end, without the enema really being part of a scene.
  • When it's done for sensation - mostly pleasurable
  • When it's done for the power trip, to show control over even this part of the submissive or slave's body
  • Humiliation
  • Punishment - when solutions are given that intensify cramps and/or the time is stretched out unbearably long
  • And the last is one I'm not going to talk about today - people who enjoy the whole scat thing. Ick.

I think most people who have not experienced an enema see them in the realm of punishment or humiliation. In my world they began as yet another way for him to control my body, and that is pretty much where they've stayed, with a few detours here and there. The first dozen or so were also terribly humiliating, but that has turned to moderately humiliating over the years.

But let's back up - believe it or not, there can be pleasurable enemas. A one to two quart salt water enema that is a few degrees warmer than body temperature, and that's given slowly while you're laying on your left side can be very soothing, comforting, and relaxing. Especially if you are allowed to release within a few minutes of the last drop going in. Oh, and from non-latex equipment if you are sensitive to latex. The after effects can leave you feeling as if you've had an intense massage to your lower back. My first enema was a pleasurable one, but the control aspects were so strong I was in tears -- the idea that he was filling this part of me, something no one else is supposed to be able to control -- it was just so intense. He let me go to the bathroom to release as soon as it was all in, and didn't come near me as I released. But then he filled me again. There was no doubt in my mind that he owned me that day.

Punishment enemas, on the other hand, are ten levels worse than excruciating. The addition of ivory soap suds, or lemon juice, or honey, or molasses, or a number of other things, can cause cramps so bad you would swear someone has a knife inside of you cutting you to pieces. Just making the water cooler than body temperature can cause cramps. And the speed that it goes in is certainly another huge factor. There should always be a clear water enema after the punishment enema to rinse the irritants from the colon. Play can rarely happen after a punishment enema, as the person usually needs to sleep for a while to recuperate from the trauma of it.

The time factor is something to keep in mind no matter the kind of enema - they shouldn't be done just before you tie someone down. It is my understanding some people can do a quick Fleet enema and be ready to play in twenty or thirty minutes, but my body doesn't work that way. I need a few hours in order to be comfortable that everything has worked its way back out. When I read of someone getting an enema and releasing and then being restrained in some way for play, I find myself rolling my eyes. Maybe some people can do that, but it would be disastrous to do that with me.

Enemas have been given since at least Victorian times, when most households seem to have seen them as a necessity. In the days when there was no indoor plumbing and people used chamber pots, they appear to have been used as a way to schedule bowel movements so young ladies would not be caught out somewhere and need to be embarrassed by soiling a friend's chamber pot. They were also used as a form of consequence for children, to "clean them out" when they were naughty.

Our modern "take a pill" culture has mostly erased enemas from our present day vocabulary. That's really too bad, because a quick Fleet is so much more comfortable than a laxative. And it's over with fairly quickly, no need to wait for hours before it works. I'd never have considered the possibility fifteen years ago. Now, it's the first and only option.

I'm not even going to try to cover all of the safety aspects in this post -- this page covers most of the important points and is probably as good of a starting place as any. Please do read through the safety information out there before playing. While normally administered enemas in a healthy person are safe, there are not-so-extreme seeming things that can be done to make them unsafe. And if the person has heart or kidney issues then they should be avoided.

I will stress that the first enema should be designed as a pleasant experience, and then you should talk at length about the experience before moving towards discomfort. Don't aim for pain for a while - aiming for discomfort will likely be painful at first.

Have you ever had an enema? Was it a health thing or a kink thing? Is it something you want to try again? If you haven't had one, does the idea of someone taking that kind of control over your body turn you on? Ignore the fear and ick aspects for the moment, think about the control aspects, the idea of being filled.


Friday, August 5, 2011

Doing A Flyby Post

I'm an author and the majority of my contact with the BDSM world is through my characters and research. I think one of the best things I can do is make a person think or rethink their position/opinion on a subject, whether it's kink or romance.

I think the best question I got was from a lady at an RWA chapter meeting when I was presenting with two other authors on erotic romance. If I recall correctly, she asked, "How do you explain writing about female submissives, when romance is supposed to be empowering to women?" She'd prefaced her question with the fact that she and her husband had read my book and her husband was confused about how my story showed my heroine in a self-confident light when she submitted to the heroes commands.

My response? "The power in a D/s relationship rests with the submissive. What more powerful role can a woman have than to decide what she will and won't allow her man to do with her?" And I still believe that. Considering this is my own opinion, I like to believe that submission is about gaining power more than about giving up power. Every time the choice to go along with the Master is 'yes' and the experience is blissful, or hot, or downright orgasmic, a bit more power is gained by the submissive. Power to make choices, to believe in where she's placed her trust.

For me, that's empowering.

Have to run now....day job is calling... Have a great one!
Feel free to toss in your two cents' worth!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I'm going to New York, and I'm taking a...

When I was about five my older brothers and sister taught me a game called "I'm going to New York." I liked it, and they quickly tired of it, but the basic idea is that one person comes up with a rule; the other players take turns, saying "I'm going to New York and taking a " and if it follows the rule, they are told okay, and if not they are told they can't, and eventually you try to guess the rule. I'm not traveling to New York this weekend, but I am traveling, and that led me to think about what kind of S&M gear to bring on trips when space is limited. I decided to limit myself to three items arbitrarily, and place an emphasis on compact and lightweight items.

The first was easy; cuffs. Nice soft velcro cuffs, with one of the little metal clips to attach them. Cuffs are very efficient bondage; less bulky than ropes, lightweight, and quick.

The second wasn't too hard either: Nipple clamps, because I like them, and they are really small, especially the little tweezer kind that tightens when you slide a ring over the two prongs, perhaps connected with a chain. If those don't pack enough bite, clothespins are just a little bulkier, but the tweezers win for size and weight for this "travel set"

Number 3... so many choices. You can do a lot with a single paraffin candle, but not in a hotel room unless you want to risk extra charges. A Wartenberg pinwheel is small and versatile, so that might be a good choice. A vibrator, perhaps a vibrating egg, can be pretty small. I decided to splurge, though, and go with a suede flogger, despite the size... it can fit along one of the inside edges of a suitcase and hopefully not require me to have to leave behind any clothes. The one I have has a rubber handle, and with a condom is a very nice insertable. I'm willing to do without the vibration in order to have the rest of what a flogger brings to the ... table? Perhaps bent over the desk, or the bed?

Of course in a novel, whatever the hero needs in a scene can always be retroactively packed in his suitcase with some quick editing, but we have to deal with time in a linear fashion in real life, alas. Anyone else have any travel toy favorites? What would you pack, or have your partner pack?

Monday, August 1, 2011

Kink Monday: Caning

Nothing can be quite as fearsome as the cane. It has been used for centuries as a form of corporal punishment in schools and judicial systems. To many bottoms it means severe punishment. To many masochists, a caning session is a one-way ticket to Endorphin Land. In the hands of an experienced person, a cane can be a sensuous tool as well as one of extreme pain.

First, let's discuss the cane itself. They come in different lengths and diameters depending on the Top's preference. A general rule of thumb (pun intended), the thinner the cane the sharper the pain. Thin canes can create a great deal of sting and even cut skin. It's very important to use care when delivering a punishment that has the potential to draw blood.

Thicker canes tend to produce a deeper, thudding pain. A strike with a cane like this can cause deep tissue bruising. It's important to be conscious of where you're aiming with any size cane. You can injure organs and even break bones so steer clear of kidneys and the spine, especially the tail bone.

Canes come in a variety of materials. Rattan is a popular choice which I find to have almost a whip-like quality in thinner styles. It's flexible and the pain is cutting. There are other choices such as acrylic, delrin and carbon if you prefer synthetic materials which can be easier to clean and sanitize. We have a 30 inch acrylic cane that's a nice 3/8 width, aptly named Blue Lightning which is a favorite. We also have a 28 inch rattan cane in 1/4 width. You wouldn't think there would be a huge difference in how these feel on impact, but they are very different. Fractions on width and length and different materials can deliver entirely different sensations. Personally, I prefer the thud from the thicker acrylic to the vicious bite of the rattan, but that's just me.

Techniques can vary from Top to Top. Caning takes control and discipline. Many Tops say that it's all in the wrist. A flick at the end of a well-placed strike can have painful results. This is not an implement that requires strength, but rather skill and remarkably little force to deliver a blow that will ensure pain. Practice, as with any school of discipline, is a necessity.

Light taps can be almost sensual depending on the area the cane is used. Typically, canes are used on the buttocks, thighs (back, inner and front), genitals and breasts. There is even a sweet spot where it is said that repeated, concussive taps can create a vibration that can bring a bottom to orgasm. I've never experienced this and have to admit I'm a bit jealous of those who have.

Accuracy, force, rhythm and follow-through can make all the difference in the type of caning session for the bottom. Following through with strokes can change the level of pain a Top delivers. A stroke that leaves the cane firmly against the flesh will transfer more energy to the blow, giving a thuddier more bruising type of pain. A stroke that bounces against the skin, transfers less energy and tends to have a more stingy effect.

The bottom's position can also be a mitigating factor in how a caning will play out. The bottom lying horizontally on the stomach (flat, or with pillows elevating the hips) is a good position. This requires the Top to use an overhead stroke which is a technique all in itself.

Having a bottom bend at the waist, leaning over a chair, bed, spanking bench etc, tends to stretch the skin on the buttocks and thighs and can result in a more painful blow. This is rumored to be the best position to achieve that sweet-spot effect I mentioned earlier. I can't speak from personal experience though.


Where the Top stands in relation to the bottom can also be a factor. A good position is slightly off the side so that the Top isn't parallel or facing the bottom. As the person delivering the caning, another key is to make sure you're far enough away to avoid the wrap around affect where the cane flexes and catches the bottom in an area not intended such as the bony hip. This can happen especially with thinner, whippier canes and is not pleasant!

When caning areas such as the breasts and genitals, caution is imperative because injury can occur with the slightest misjudgment.

Marks and bruising are the hallmark of the cane. Nothing is more gorgeous to me than a beautifully lined buttocks after a good caning. Even the lightest touches with the cane tend to leave welts. After-care is vitally important with any impact play. If blood is drawn be sure to take care of the injuries as well as the cane used. Natural materials involve time and effort in caring for canes. Neglect can lead to broken implements, splinters and other dangers that can damage a bottom.

As a bottom on the receiving end, it's important to communicate with your Top before and during a session especially if you are new to caning. When my partner first began using a cane, I admit, I hated it. It was horribly painful. But after trial and error and learning better ways to accept pain, I've learned to love it. I lean on yoga breathing methods when enduring more severe disciplinary canings. I admit, I have a fondness for the thicker, synthetic canes that have a thuddier feel to them. There is nothing quite like the endorphin high of a good caning. I'm not sure I'll ever have affection for the thin, cutting rattan. Everyone has their own preferences with impact tools and the cane is no exception.

Caning can be a unique and enjoyable experience as well as a lesson in pain.
Stay safe and educate yourself!