Thursday, February 9, 2012

Is Swapping and Sharing Sexy?

It's funny, I never really thought much about swapping as a kink or fetish in my real life. I've never been in an open or swinging relationship, and yet, somehow, a bunch of partner-sharing scenes have shown up in my books.

On the surface, it doesn't sound that sexy. You want me to what, dear?? Have sex with someone else? For someone in a traditional vanilla relationship, such an idea is unlikely to send them into paroxysms of ecstasy. But what about the kinky folks? I suppose it's some inherent desire to push envelopes that has some exercising this kind of sexuality.

To be clear, I'm not talking about menage or polyamory...established relationships where people share. I'm talking more about the whole take-your-sub-to-a-friend's-house-and-share-the-love-for-a-night type dynamic where the encounters are more one-off things.

What makes it so sexy? The risk? The unknown? Being forced, in some cases, to perform sexual activities with a stranger? What about the partner who's sharing? If he watches, does it make it hotter, or scarier? A little of both? Is it so sexy because the sharing partner is so secure in his dominance that he can share without feeling threatened? Like some potentate distributing his awesome wealth to lesser beings? Okay, maybe I'm stretching it now, but you get my point.

Looking back over my books, there's some form of sharing in Mercy, Comfort Object, Deep in the Woods, Fortune, Club Mephisto, Owning Wednesday, and Odalisque. There's also sharing in Cirque du Minuit, my March release.

I don't read a lot about partner sharing on the book blogs or discussion blogs. I don't know how many other romance books out there explore the sharing fetish or how readers even really feel about it. No one's ever written to me in a "pro" or "con" way about the partner sharing that goes on in my books. So today I just thought I'd do you feel about sexual sharing? Turn on or turn off for you? Why?


  1. I think it's a turn-on in a BDSM relationship because it emphasizes the whole "property" thing.

    You can loan your car to someone because you own it. You're careful who you loan it to, because it's valuable, but you don't worry about how the car feels about being loaned out.

    In books, as long as everyone is being safe, it can be a huge turn on for me.

  2. I don't think sharing does much for me, except that it could be humiliating, so there's that. I will say that I like that when you write sharing, it doesn't feel like that relationship is in competition with the primary one. Yeah, the whole menage trend in erotica is just *yawn* for me, but I make an exception in your books. You know I loved Comfort Object and found those scenes totally hot. I'm thinking, thinking... yeah, hmm, probably it was the humiliation aspect.