Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Submissive does not equal doormat

The submissive in my just-released book, Safeword: Matte, is an attorney, and is a world class martial arts fighter. She just happens to be sexually submissive.

In Annabel's latest, Cirque du Minuit, Kelsey is certainly not a doormat, either. My favorite line from the book?

Do you have some kind of syndrome that makes you act this way, or are you just a rude, socially inept asshole?

Does that sound like a doormat to you? She submits because she chooses to, because it turns her on. Not because she is incapable of making her own decisions.

I recently read Selena Kitt's The Surrender of Persephone, and once again was shown a strong submissive who is absolutely not a doormat.

There are submissives written as doormats. I think O is one, in The Story of O, for instance.

But, I don't want to turn this into "right" versus "wrong". For me, personally, equating the two is wrong. But for me to say it's wrong to be a doormat if you happen to be submissive? That's not right, either. I'm not saying there are no submissives who are doormats, I'm just saying it's wrong to assume it of all submissives.

There are some very popular books about women who aren't so strong, or who don't make good decisions and need a man to make their decisions for them. Obviously, there are people who are turned on by that dynamic.

I can see the appeal of the Rescue Dom who swoops in and saves the day. I can also see the appeal of the penniless submissive who is turned into a pleasure slave by the super rich Dom. Some of these stories skirt the edges of non-con, or at least coerced consent. It's nice fantasy fodder - no arguments there. Still, my preference is a strong woman, where there is no doubt she's submitting because it's her choice to do so.

What is your preference? The woman who is rescued by the big strong Dom? Or the strong woman who chooses to submit?


  1. Strong woman who chooses to submit every time. I have to many triggers for anything else really. Also the poor liddle woman who needs a man, to my way of thinking needs a kick up the arse. I really enjoyed Safeword:Matte by the way.

  2. Thanks Helen! Glad you enjoyed it.

  3. I definitely prefer the women to be strong, to submit because they choose to, not because they can't function on their own. I don't like weak characters in any way (whether male or female). But that's just my personal choice, I have always loved snarky, tough, characters

  4. Sorry to be late to the party but it's been a busy week.

    I am a very strong woman who has chosen to submit for over 30 years, so most of the time that is the dynamic I choose to read. But sometimes, when things have been rough professionally or a friend is having a very bad time in relationships, I like to imagine a big, strong Dom swooping in to save the day!