Haha. I like to play around with acronyms in the kink world because we use them so much. There is the main acronym, BDSM. There is that long one: YKINMKBYKIOK (your kink is not my kink but your kink is OK). There are tons of other ones too. C-NC for Consensual Non-consent, D/s for Dominance and submission, M/s for Master/slave, D/lg for Daddy/little girl.
I could go on but this is a tangent. I'm avoiding the main topic because it's icky, but it's a topic that came up on Fetlife last week when the administrators discovered a thriving subculture of incest/pedophilia fetishists who were either playing too realistically, or being...sadly...real. I'm also not going to talk about that, because to me there's no "possibly" about it. If their posts were real, it's not okay.
But in the course of discussing what to do about these fringe groups, a lot of people became angry about censorship and the policing of people's fantasies. I suppose that's what I'd like to discuss, although I don't have any answers.
The question to which I don't have the answer is...which kinks are okay? And who draws that line that says, it is okay to fantasize about and fetishize THIS criminal act, but not THAT one?
Putting aside the hot button issues of incest and pedophilia, some other controversial groups and play I've seen on Fetlife pretty regularly get a rise. There are the domestic abuse fetishists, who post photos of themselves looking like battered housewives, with blackened, tearful eyes. Are they real black eyes or makeup? What if they were real? Is it okay to give your partner a black eye if it's consensual?
There are also rape fetishists, of course, givers and takers. I see a lot of photos on Fetlife of rape "victims", usually women, and read a lot of stories. I'm assuming this play is consensual, but does it glorify an action that is destructive and vile? Not proselytizing. Just asking. What's your opinion? For me, some part of it disgusts me but another part of me gets turned on. It's icky, like I said.
What about those photos that depict people...again, usually women...with guns placed against their heads, sexual orifices, or inserted into their orifices? The people who post these pictures will be quick to assure us that the play was "safe", ie, the gun was not loaded or had the safety on. There are similar pictures with knives thrust in orifices, or people turning blue with rope or a garrote wrapped around their neck. Is it "safe" or even responsible to play at death and violence? Is it just good, clean, consensual fun?
As you all know, my generally held opinion is that fantasy doesn't hurt anyone, and that any safe and consensual play is "okay." But sometimes I see things that test my resolve in this area, and sometimes I wonder if playing at something as a fetish doesn't give it acceptable presence in the world that it shouldn't have. Let's revisit, briefly, those pedophilia fetishists. Let's say they were posting about a fantasy, not something they really intended to do or had done. Okay, then, or still not okay?
I don't know. This isn't a post where I am asserting anything because I just don't know the answer. All I really know are my own opinions and gut checks when I see these things. What are your opinions? Are there kinks out there that really aren't "okay" to you personally? Are there fantasies that aren't "okay" that people should feel obliged to keep hidden? Is it something the community should address, or is it something that should be everyone's personal business?